Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Anger
I don't pretend to understand but I really want to. Anger is a secondary emotion so...where does my anger stem from? What is really going on underneath it all when I feel this mercury rising in me? What are my buttons and how do I get to a place where nobody can push them because there aren't any to push? I don't want to pass on a legacy of wrath to my children. This is not their portion. When I see them short with one another I wonder, "Did I teach them that?" When they are unkind or unwilling to extend grace or show mercy I have to think that I may be to blame. I REALLY want to see this ungoldy heritage broken off of me and my children that we could love even the most unloveable and that the enemy would have no hook in us. I have been in quiet ponderings over this for weeks now...alone with my anger, disappointments and insights. Well, not really alone, I suppose. Processing with Jesus and Holy Spirit leading the way. A deep work. I am begging for God's wisdom and transformation of my mind, heart and life. There is great wisdom in getting to know your own heart, especially the dark and wounded parts. How do you steward your heart if you do not know it? How will you ever know it if you do not listen and observe? May Wisdom's cry be louder than anger!
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Oh Tab. This is my biggest shortcoming. Anger. I dispise it. I dispise myself when I lose control of my tongue and have "fits of rage". It is all of the flesh. I will pray for you each time I pray for this same thing in my life. So much pressure to fulfil our own expectations and a desire to control (thank you Eve:) situations vs being vulnerable to the less than perfect or the idea plans WE have visioned. I am saddened by my unguarded heart and tongue at times that I allow satan to use me to destroy pieces of those I love most. Lord thank you for your mercies. Search our hearts Lord and bring us fully to a love like yours.
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