a grown up lesson

She came in from what seemed like hours outside. I feel a subtle change, thoughtfulness in her eyes, though twirling on her toes as she always does. She glances at me and then down again before sharing her thoughts.

“I really needed that.” said with sincere relief, leaning against the countertop nearby.

“Needed what, babe?” even more curious now.

“Well…” she picks at her fingernails, hair falling into her face, “…you know since Papa and Tammy and France Lee died, I’ve kind of been a little angry at God. Like, why he let it all happen.”

She now has my full attention, mama’s heart reaching across the room to her though I stand over the stovetop giving dinner a quick stir.

“Yeah, and I just had to talk to God out loud and tell him what’s been in my heart.” I relate, having spent weeks now talking aloud to God and myself, at the expense of looking crazier than I already do.

“And I realized that I was kind of angry at him for what all happened and so I just told him that and I had to repent. I just repented of being mad at Him and I feel a lot better now.”

Spatula laid aside now, my body catches up with my heart and I’m at her side, holding her, kissing her wild wind-blown hair. My heart grows and I can feel it actually get larger, actually throw overboard fear and concern making room for hope and faith.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. I know it’s easy to become offended and you have done something today that many adults will wrestle against the length of their lives. So good.”

I hold her, embrace God’s redemptive work in her, letting it absorb into me. I feel clean, pure, and whole as I cling to Him inside of her. I feel the cleansing work of forgiveness through her innocent heart.

Yes, this is the beauty of the season of Lent, where we let go and let God, where we give in and give up daily only to in turn gain Christ and all that He did on that tree.