Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Anger
I don't pretend to understand but I really want to. Anger is a secondary emotion so...where does my anger stem from? What is really going on underneath it all when I feel this mercury rising in me? What are my buttons and how do I get to a place where nobody can push them because there aren't any to push? I don't want to pass on a legacy of wrath to my children. This is not their portion. When I see them short with one another I wonder, "Did I teach them that?" When they are unkind or unwilling to extend grace or show mercy I have to think that I may be to blame. I REALLY want to see this ungoldy heritage broken off of me and my children that we could love even the most unloveable and that the enemy would have no hook in us. I have been in quiet ponderings over this for weeks now...alone with my anger, disappointments and insights. Well, not really alone, I suppose. Processing with Jesus and Holy Spirit leading the way. A deep work. I am begging for God's wisdom and transformation of my mind, heart and life. There is great wisdom in getting to know your own heart, especially the dark and wounded parts. How do you steward your heart if you do not know it? How will you ever know it if you do not listen and observe? May Wisdom's cry be louder than anger!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Words
So many words, so few the opportunities to capture them.
It’s been words, words, words since Tru was born. So many inner dialogues and I’m just not able to stop long enough. Or, I stave it away because of the enormity of it all. Where do I begin…again? Ideally, I’d have it all filed away in categories like recipes or perhaps home school lesson plans; study material, up-coming tests and lessons-learned. If only life could be so easily compartmentalized. But mine is far from it. My real life stuff slops all over the place, drawing this sphere into that one which can make for a pretty obscure collage at times. I just hope it’s beautiful. I can live w/out compartments but I can’t live without beauty.
Tru is many things. She’s a good and perfect gift from the Father of Lights. She’s, undoubtedly, a reflection of the Father’s heart, as well. There was a moment as I was doing the labor some work of pushing her out of my body, that Tim spoke three very powerful and profound words aloud to our baby.
“You’re welcome here.”
No sooner did my midwife bow her head, graciously crowned with the burden of intercession, and reply,
“If so many children could hear those words.”
And then it fell. His presence fell in that moment and my womb swelled, yet again, with just a fragment of the Father’s heart. I felt weeping sweep over my body. I did not resist it. I could have heaved for days under it but it hurt too badly to cry with that sort of depth. It was but a few breaths and tears but so finite and concentrated in it’s intensity. I knew we were birthing more than a baby.
The stretching…the expanding…the pressure I felt when squeezing this not-so-little-one out was, well…foretelling. It paints a landscape for what’s to come. There is great pain and joy ahead. There is the complexity of destiny, this pushing and pulling all at the same time. There is this tension that upholds all things while tearing them away simultaneously. This is where I am. I believe this place is called, His hands.
I can hardly bear to hear my baby cry. I could not understand it at first. Being my fifth, it seemed that I should not be opposed to some old-fashioned crying here and there. But her cry…it’s so very vulnerable and weak and…just plain sad. She has a sad cry and to hear it just causes my heart to thrash. In her cry I hear the cries of so many; whose tears are filled with longing and desperation, whose cries fall on deaf ears and echo through the soul. And the same story for her brilliant blue eyes. They reach deep inside of me and make a fist around my heart. They grip me and beg me to love until it hurts. They pose questions that I am not ready to answer. They plead with me to love, as He loves. I am no match for Him, in her.
I embrace Tru and in embracing her I embrace His plan, these ideas that frighten this fearful one not yet perfected in love. I can wrap my hands around her and feel the density of destiny but I cannot get myself around this love that the Father has for his children, the same love that He has for His son, Jesus. It is greater than my grasp. And I feel Him asking me to run head-on into this life-force of love, allowing it to drive out fear and make up all that is lacking.
But I fear being consumed by Him, this jealous, raging flame of love. It is my heart’s solemn prayer and yet I know it will mark me forever. Am I willing to bear the markings? Am I willing to wear the stench of the fire like a perfume and have my life so poured out, I don’t own a single right? I’m convinced that there is only one way to do this and it’s absolutely and totally head-over-heals ‘in love.’ I will do it for nothing less and there is of course, nothing more. There is nothing higher than the Father's love; to know it, to receive it and to give it.
It’s been words, words, words since Tru was born. So many inner dialogues and I’m just not able to stop long enough. Or, I stave it away because of the enormity of it all. Where do I begin…again? Ideally, I’d have it all filed away in categories like recipes or perhaps home school lesson plans; study material, up-coming tests and lessons-learned. If only life could be so easily compartmentalized. But mine is far from it. My real life stuff slops all over the place, drawing this sphere into that one which can make for a pretty obscure collage at times. I just hope it’s beautiful. I can live w/out compartments but I can’t live without beauty.
Tru is many things. She’s a good and perfect gift from the Father of Lights. She’s, undoubtedly, a reflection of the Father’s heart, as well. There was a moment as I was doing the labor some work of pushing her out of my body, that Tim spoke three very powerful and profound words aloud to our baby.
“You’re welcome here.”
No sooner did my midwife bow her head, graciously crowned with the burden of intercession, and reply,
“If so many children could hear those words.”
And then it fell. His presence fell in that moment and my womb swelled, yet again, with just a fragment of the Father’s heart. I felt weeping sweep over my body. I did not resist it. I could have heaved for days under it but it hurt too badly to cry with that sort of depth. It was but a few breaths and tears but so finite and concentrated in it’s intensity. I knew we were birthing more than a baby.
The stretching…the expanding…the pressure I felt when squeezing this not-so-little-one out was, well…foretelling. It paints a landscape for what’s to come. There is great pain and joy ahead. There is the complexity of destiny, this pushing and pulling all at the same time. There is this tension that upholds all things while tearing them away simultaneously. This is where I am. I believe this place is called, His hands.
I can hardly bear to hear my baby cry. I could not understand it at first. Being my fifth, it seemed that I should not be opposed to some old-fashioned crying here and there. But her cry…it’s so very vulnerable and weak and…just plain sad. She has a sad cry and to hear it just causes my heart to thrash. In her cry I hear the cries of so many; whose tears are filled with longing and desperation, whose cries fall on deaf ears and echo through the soul. And the same story for her brilliant blue eyes. They reach deep inside of me and make a fist around my heart. They grip me and beg me to love until it hurts. They pose questions that I am not ready to answer. They plead with me to love, as He loves. I am no match for Him, in her.
I embrace Tru and in embracing her I embrace His plan, these ideas that frighten this fearful one not yet perfected in love. I can wrap my hands around her and feel the density of destiny but I cannot get myself around this love that the Father has for his children, the same love that He has for His son, Jesus. It is greater than my grasp. And I feel Him asking me to run head-on into this life-force of love, allowing it to drive out fear and make up all that is lacking.
But I fear being consumed by Him, this jealous, raging flame of love. It is my heart’s solemn prayer and yet I know it will mark me forever. Am I willing to bear the markings? Am I willing to wear the stench of the fire like a perfume and have my life so poured out, I don’t own a single right? I’m convinced that there is only one way to do this and it’s absolutely and totally head-over-heals ‘in love.’ I will do it for nothing less and there is of course, nothing more. There is nothing higher than the Father's love; to know it, to receive it and to give it.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Marked
Just do it. Go ahead and do it, God. Do what you have to do to me and in me that I would be more like you. It's a daily dying. It's a momentary killing off of my fleshy desires, my impure motives and all the junk that makes us do what we do. It's a surrender to your way which is high above my way. It's the pushing through into the next level when all you want to do is shrink back and argue with God about how He's called the wrong person to do the very thing you're wrestling with. (I so feel ya, Moses.) It's the releasing of fears as you hang suspended over them all with God's vantage point. It's the perfecting of love through deep revelation that will impart great courage while driving out the shadows that plague and torment. It's the free-falling of grace that takes your breath away all while you brace yourself for a hard landing. It's all these things and more to be marked with the things of heaven.
I must decrease, He must increase. I must become like Him. He must be my very life source or I am not fully alive in Christ. It's divine, I realize. It also tears my heart out, on occasion. Lord, how can I bear your markings? How could I ever love like you love? How could I ever pour out my life like water, even unto death? I can not. And so this is where I give to you my inabilities and I say, "Do what you will with me." Do whatever it takes to make me like you. Brand my heart with fire! I give you permission. I surrender to you my free will offering and declare that I am not my own; I belong to you. You have purchased me with your blood. I have taken your name. Now...give me your heart!
I must decrease, He must increase. I must become like Him. He must be my very life source or I am not fully alive in Christ. It's divine, I realize. It also tears my heart out, on occasion. Lord, how can I bear your markings? How could I ever love like you love? How could I ever pour out my life like water, even unto death? I can not. And so this is where I give to you my inabilities and I say, "Do what you will with me." Do whatever it takes to make me like you. Brand my heart with fire! I give you permission. I surrender to you my free will offering and declare that I am not my own; I belong to you. You have purchased me with your blood. I have taken your name. Now...give me your heart!
Friday, February 26, 2010
the eternal father
God is doing something very beautiful in my children. It's something eternal and it's absolutely of the Father in heaven.
The past couple of days we've been praying, by name, for a specific little girl who needs an adoptive family. In the midst of those prayers I've seen my children's hearts become more and more alive with compassion, hope and excitement. Their hearts have been made ready over a course of seasons, to one day take in children for the sake of loving them, healing them through the power of that love, and enjoying them as brothers and sisters. It's been amazing to watch the transformation in their hearts as we talk about such things. They indeed have a heart for the orphan, and that was not something I put there. That was something only God could instill.
Tessa, my oldest (age 12), came home from her youth group last night and shared something so precious with me. She is of the age where she doesn't 'have' to share her heart with me but she chose to and afterwards, I was so glad that she did. She said that while worshipping last night the Lord put this little girl on her heart so strongly, and then, in her words, "I began to feel the Lord's heart over her; how He longs to be her Father, to hold her, to swing her, to love her." She said she began to weep with this revelation of the Father's love. May we all weep with this revelation and may we all come into this revelation, with fullness.
God, thank you for the deep work you do. For the things that are done in the depths of the soil; the things you accomplish through dry and rigid seasons. When they spring forth, they are the newness of life to us. They are the manifestation of the unseen hands of the cultivator of life. I praise you today for the eternal gift of knowing you, the Father, and would you increase it in our hearts and home. And would you give this little girl her heart's desire, which is to be perfected in love. That is also this girl's heart desire Lord, as perfected love drives out all fear.
The past couple of days we've been praying, by name, for a specific little girl who needs an adoptive family. In the midst of those prayers I've seen my children's hearts become more and more alive with compassion, hope and excitement. Their hearts have been made ready over a course of seasons, to one day take in children for the sake of loving them, healing them through the power of that love, and enjoying them as brothers and sisters. It's been amazing to watch the transformation in their hearts as we talk about such things. They indeed have a heart for the orphan, and that was not something I put there. That was something only God could instill.
Tessa, my oldest (age 12), came home from her youth group last night and shared something so precious with me. She is of the age where she doesn't 'have' to share her heart with me but she chose to and afterwards, I was so glad that she did. She said that while worshipping last night the Lord put this little girl on her heart so strongly, and then, in her words, "I began to feel the Lord's heart over her; how He longs to be her Father, to hold her, to swing her, to love her." She said she began to weep with this revelation of the Father's love. May we all weep with this revelation and may we all come into this revelation, with fullness.
God, thank you for the deep work you do. For the things that are done in the depths of the soil; the things you accomplish through dry and rigid seasons. When they spring forth, they are the newness of life to us. They are the manifestation of the unseen hands of the cultivator of life. I praise you today for the eternal gift of knowing you, the Father, and would you increase it in our hearts and home. And would you give this little girl her heart's desire, which is to be perfected in love. That is also this girl's heart desire Lord, as perfected love drives out all fear.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
costly honesty for a costly offering
Luke 18:9-14
The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
Even if I'm seemingly agreeing with the low opinions of others (Pharisee spirit), it's GOOD to be honest w/God about our sin. I can not be justified before man if I want to be justified before God. What God thinks of me is all that matters at the end of the day, for he knows my heart like no other. It is good to get real with God, unto repentance, mercy, and justification. No more cheap grace, God. I don't want that. I don't want something that makes me feel comfortable in my weakness but rather something that is powerful enough to move me from that place to victory! It's good to say, "This is my fear, God. Remove it from me!." It is good to declare war on this flesh of mine, especially if it means the crucifixion of it. He is faithful to do that very thing. He is so faithful and trustworthy. Did he not bare the cross for me? That's the most extravagant offering anybody has ever given me. I think I can trust his heart for me, as he poured it out with blood. I can trust Jesus to have mercy on me in the place of my guilty confession. I can trust Jesus to justify me with his blood in the lowly place of the cross. Give me greater grace, Lord, to call it what it is - sin - that I would be restored to you. You said you give greater grace to the humble. The foot of the cross is the lowest place I could ever go.
I need greater grace to seek you first, above all things.
I need greater grace to love you more, as you love me.
I need greater grace to fear you, and not man.
I need greater grace to forsake all others for the sake of knowing you.
I need greater grace to love, no matter the price.
I need greater grace to be who you've called me to be.
Jesus, release to me a greater revelation of the cross that I could overcome myself, that I might be empowered to know/love/serve you more.
The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
Even if I'm seemingly agreeing with the low opinions of others (Pharisee spirit), it's GOOD to be honest w/God about our sin. I can not be justified before man if I want to be justified before God. What God thinks of me is all that matters at the end of the day, for he knows my heart like no other. It is good to get real with God, unto repentance, mercy, and justification. No more cheap grace, God. I don't want that. I don't want something that makes me feel comfortable in my weakness but rather something that is powerful enough to move me from that place to victory! It's good to say, "This is my fear, God. Remove it from me!." It is good to declare war on this flesh of mine, especially if it means the crucifixion of it. He is faithful to do that very thing. He is so faithful and trustworthy. Did he not bare the cross for me? That's the most extravagant offering anybody has ever given me. I think I can trust his heart for me, as he poured it out with blood. I can trust Jesus to have mercy on me in the place of my guilty confession. I can trust Jesus to justify me with his blood in the lowly place of the cross. Give me greater grace, Lord, to call it what it is - sin - that I would be restored to you. You said you give greater grace to the humble. The foot of the cross is the lowest place I could ever go.
I need greater grace to seek you first, above all things.
I need greater grace to love you more, as you love me.
I need greater grace to fear you, and not man.
I need greater grace to forsake all others for the sake of knowing you.
I need greater grace to love, no matter the price.
I need greater grace to be who you've called me to be.
Jesus, release to me a greater revelation of the cross that I could overcome myself, that I might be empowered to know/love/serve you more.
Monday, February 8, 2010
a girl named mercy
Yesterday morning before our church service I was standing near this beautiful young woman. I assumed she was an International student at JBU, only seeing her once before and being so dark skinned. She was so unique in her features. She had rich, brown skin and a head-full of tiny braids, coiled and piled up on top of her head. I just wanted to take her in visually, stare at her, she had so many outwardly striking qualities. I just knew there was something special about her. I asked her what her name was. She replied, "Mercy." I had a moment, right there, in front of her. I said, "Mercy? Wow. You are so beautiful, Mercy." I thought I might frighten her because I was so deeply moved at the mention of her name. Mercy is the theme of my life and to meet, for the very first time, a woman named Mercy, in the midst of all that God has been speaking over me was just so overwhelmingly personal. She went on to share that she was born in Uganda and raised in Kenya. And now here she stood, in my little sphere of life, in front of the coffee pot, so randomly yet divinely placed. Mercy is indeed beautiful and she has come a long way to cross paths with me.
Friday, January 29, 2010
My heart
It's being packed. And it's going to Thailand. And yet at the very same time, my heart is being unpacked. I can't explain it any better than that.
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Orphan Spirit
I've asked God to shine a light in my heart concerning these things in the past season. If you've never heard of this, it's worth looking into. You'll probably find more of yourself in here than you want.
Here's a link with an AMAZING teaching on The Orphan Heart.
http://www.saltlight.org/europe/resources/latest
Click on The Orphan Heart MP3 and have a listen. Mark Stibbe is the speaker. I think it's a great resource, especially for those who are looking to care for orphans.
The Strategic Shift From an Orphan Spirit to the Spirit of Adoption
Andrew Gross
What is the Orphan Spirit?
A sneaking suspicion that you are rejected
How does this apply to you?
Many of us go through life with the mentality of an orphan, believing that:
By definition I am rejected and reject-able
I inevitably will be rejected by others
I deserve rejection
Am I influenced by the “orphan spirit?”
Do you ever feel . . .
A gnawing sense of insecurity about relationships?
It is only a matter of time before I am rejected?
A need to protect yourself when getting closer?
A basic instinct to flee from relationships?
The need to make “exit plans”?
The need to day-dream about “Plan B”?
The need to fight because others don’t have your best interest in mind?
The need to preemptively reject others?
An automatic suspicion of those in power?
The need to respond out of all proportion to unintentional snubs?
That disagreements, corrections, or constructive criticisms from others are really masks for disrespect, dismissal, or rejection?
Imagine a community in which people believe . . .
I don’t belong here
I’m not wanted here
My contribution is under-appreciated here
People wouldn’t miss me if I disappeared today
I don’t feel valued here
I don’t feel safe in relationships here
I can’t really be myself here
If others saw the real me, they would reject me
The old-timers don’t accept me
The new-comers don’t accept me or the good things that God did
here in the past
But what is the “Spirit of Adoption?”
A certainty that you are accepted
I belong
I am included
I am known
I am desired
I am wanted
I am cherished
I am treasured
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship (adoption). And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
Romans 8:15
God sent his Son . . . that we might receive the full rights (adoption) of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son.
Galatians 4:4-7
He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in
accordance with his pleasure and will. Ephesians 1:5
With the Spirit of Adoption comes the certainty of
God’s goodness as your Daddy
Your security as His child
A wide, broad mindset of confidence
We need to make this shift, but HOW?
The Problem: You don’t believe that God is good
The Solution: Fix your eyes on the character of God
Check the adoption papers
Rivet your thoughts and your imagination onto the Truth
"The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and
abounding in loving-kindness and truth, who keeps loving-kindness for
thousands, and forgives iniquity, transgression, and sin." Exodus 34:6-7
How much more does your heavenly Father know how to give good gifts.
Matthew 7:11-12
Do not be afraid little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the Kingdom. Luke 12:32
God, who gives to all men generously and without finding fault . . . James 1:5
An “oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. Because God
wanted to make the unchanging nature of His purpose very clear to the heirs
of what was promised, He confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul . . .” Hebrews 6:16-20
Here's a link with an AMAZING teaching on The Orphan Heart.
http://www.saltlight.org/europe/resources/latest
Click on The Orphan Heart MP3 and have a listen. Mark Stibbe is the speaker. I think it's a great resource, especially for those who are looking to care for orphans.
The Strategic Shift From an Orphan Spirit to the Spirit of Adoption
Andrew Gross
What is the Orphan Spirit?
A sneaking suspicion that you are rejected
How does this apply to you?
Many of us go through life with the mentality of an orphan, believing that:
By definition I am rejected and reject-able
I inevitably will be rejected by others
I deserve rejection
Am I influenced by the “orphan spirit?”
Do you ever feel . . .
A gnawing sense of insecurity about relationships?
It is only a matter of time before I am rejected?
A need to protect yourself when getting closer?
A basic instinct to flee from relationships?
The need to make “exit plans”?
The need to day-dream about “Plan B”?
The need to fight because others don’t have your best interest in mind?
The need to preemptively reject others?
An automatic suspicion of those in power?
The need to respond out of all proportion to unintentional snubs?
That disagreements, corrections, or constructive criticisms from others are really masks for disrespect, dismissal, or rejection?
Imagine a community in which people believe . . .
I don’t belong here
I’m not wanted here
My contribution is under-appreciated here
People wouldn’t miss me if I disappeared today
I don’t feel valued here
I don’t feel safe in relationships here
I can’t really be myself here
If others saw the real me, they would reject me
The old-timers don’t accept me
The new-comers don’t accept me or the good things that God did
here in the past
But what is the “Spirit of Adoption?”
A certainty that you are accepted
I belong
I am included
I am known
I am desired
I am wanted
I am cherished
I am treasured
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship (adoption). And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
Romans 8:15
God sent his Son . . . that we might receive the full rights (adoption) of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father." So you are no longer a slave, but a son.
Galatians 4:4-7
He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in
accordance with his pleasure and will. Ephesians 1:5
With the Spirit of Adoption comes the certainty of
God’s goodness as your Daddy
Your security as His child
A wide, broad mindset of confidence
We need to make this shift, but HOW?
The Problem: You don’t believe that God is good
The Solution: Fix your eyes on the character of God
Check the adoption papers
Rivet your thoughts and your imagination onto the Truth
"The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and
abounding in loving-kindness and truth, who keeps loving-kindness for
thousands, and forgives iniquity, transgression, and sin." Exodus 34:6-7
How much more does your heavenly Father know how to give good gifts.
Matthew 7:11-12
Do not be afraid little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the Kingdom. Luke 12:32
God, who gives to all men generously and without finding fault . . . James 1:5
An “oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all argument. Because God
wanted to make the unchanging nature of His purpose very clear to the heirs
of what was promised, He confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul . . .” Hebrews 6:16-20
Saturday, January 23, 2010
If repentance ='s revival, do you still want it?
I was cleaning out old folders and cabinets the other day and found this gem. It's actually a brochure I've had for years, going back about 10 years,to be certain. I recently put it on my fridge, hoping to go through the list and to enter into a season of deep repentance. I am so hungry for revival. If God grants me the grace, I will be able to posture my heart that I would be able to receive the newness of His spirit and of His life!
It's a convicting read, so...just be ready! But running in the way of repentance is always better than digging up an argument. God spoke to me a few months ago and he told me that broken/repentant people have no more arguments. They just submit. Oh how I want this in my life.
Heart Searching for Prayer Preparation and Personal Revival
Confession of sin is necessary for fellowship with Go and revival among God’s people. One of the problems we face as Christians is that many people do not look on sin as being very bad. Seeing it as high treason has revolutionized my thinking. Ezekiel 39:23 (NAS). In other words, when a Christian is Christ-controlled, Christ is on the throne of his life. Ego-self is dethroned. When the slightest sin is committed, a thought, word, deed or attitude, Christ is dethroned and ego-self is enthroned. That is treason! It is self usurping the throne from Christ. Because He is King of kings and Lord of lords, it is HIGH treason.
Perhaps this is one reason James could say, “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.” (James 2:10) It is not so much the sin that is bad, but the very nature of sin itself. It is high treason.
Prayerfully, consider the following questions. Go through these questions one by one. Answer truthfully each question. Every “yes” answer will mean sin in your life.
In reading these questions, as you are convicted of sin, confess it at once to God. Be willing to make it right…then you can claim cleansing and forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:9)
Be sure to name your sins to God, as…”Lord, I have not put thee first in my plans.” Or “I have neglected Thy work in prayer.” Do not make the least excuse for sin of any kind in your life. “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper; but whosoever confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13).
No matter what others do, or not do. Christian, leave nothing undone on your part. God wants to work through you to bring about a great spiritual awakening. He can begin by your fulfilling every requirement shown by the Lord through the Holy Spirit and His Word. A revival from the presence of the Lord begins today, if you desire it. (read the scriptures first. Ask the questions. Give a truthful answer…”yes” or “no” Do not go to the next question until you have settled the one at hand. This is not just to be read but prayed through.
1.Matt. 6:12-14: Is there anyone against whom you hold a grudge? Anyone you have not forgiven? Anyone you hate? Anyone you do not love? Are there any misunderstandings that you are unwilling to forget? Is there any person against whom you are harboring bitterness, resentment, or jealousy? Anyone you dislike to hear praised or well spoken of? Do you allow anything to justify a wrong attitude toward another?
2.Matt. 6:33: Is there anything in which you have failed to put God first? Have your decisions been made after your own wisdom and desires, rather than by seeking and following God’s will? DO any of the following in any way interfere with your surrender and service to God; ambition, pleasures, loved ones, friendships, desire for recognition, money, your own plans?
3.Mark 16:15: Have you failed to seek the lost for Christ. Have you failed to witness consistently with your mouth for the Lord Jesus Christ? Has your life not shown to the lost the Lord Jesus?
4.John 13:35: Are you secretly pleased over the misfortunes of others? Are you secretly annoyed over the accomplishments or advancements of another? Are you guilty of any contention or strife? Do you quarrel, argue or engage in heated discussions? Are you a partaker in any division, or party spirit? Are there people whom you deliberately slight?
5.Acts 20:35: Have you robbed God by withholding His due of time, talents and money? Have you given less than a tenth of your income for god’s work? Have you failed to support mission work either in prayer or in offerings?
6.I Cor. 4:2: Are you undependable so that you cannot be trusted with responsibilities in the Lord’s work? Are you allowing your emotions to be stirred for the things of the Lord but doing nothing about it?
7.I Cor. 6:19-20: Are you in any way careless with your body? Do you fail to care for it as the temple of the Holy Spirit? Are you in any way careless with your body? Do you fail to care for it as the temple of the Holy Spirit? Are you guilt of intemperance in eating or drinking? Do you have any habits which are defiling to the body?
8.I Cor. 10:31: Do you take the slightest credit for anything good about you, rather than give all the glory to God? Do you talk of what you have done rather than of what Christ has done? Are your statements mostly about “I?” Are you feelings easily hurt? Have you made a pretense of being something that you are not?
9.Eph. 3:20: Are you self-conscience rather than Christ-conscious? Do you allow feeling of inferiority to keep you from attempting things you should in service for God?
10.Eph. 4:28: Do you underpay? Do you do very little in your work? Have you been careless in the payment of your debts? Have you sought to evade payment of your debts? Do you waste time? Do you waste time for others?
11.Eph. 4:31: Do you complain? Do you find fault? Do you have a critical attitude towards any person or anything? Are you irritable or cranky? Do you ever carry hidden anger? Do you get angry? Do you become impatient with others? Are you ever harsh or unkind?
12.Eph. 5:15-16: Do you listen to unedifying radio or television programs? Do you read unworthy magazines? Do you participate in worldly amusements? Do you find it necessary to seek satisfaction from any questionable source? Are you doing certain things that show that you are not satisfied in the Lord Jesus Christ?
13.Eph 5:20: Have you neglected to thank Him for all things, the seemingly bad as well as the good? Have you virtually called God a liar by doubting His word? Do you worry? Is your spiritual temperature based on your feelings instead of on the facts of God’s word?
14.Phil 1:21: Are you taken up with the cares of this life? Is your conversation or hear joyful over things rather than the Lord and His word? Does anything mean more to you than living for and pleasing God?
15.Phil 2:14: Do you ever by word or deed seek to hurt someone? Do you gossip? Do you speak unkindly concerning people when they are not present?
16.Phil 4:4: Have you neglected to seek to be pleasing to Him in all things? Do you carry any bitterness towards God? Have you complained against Him in any way? Have you been dissatisfied with His provision for you? Is there in your heart any unwillingness to obey God fully? Do you have any reservations as to what you would or would not do concerning anything that might be His will? Have you disobeyed some direct leading from Him?
17.Col. 3:9: Do you engage in empty and unprofitable conversation? Do you ever lie? Do you ever exaggerate? Cheat? Steal? Carefully consider…do you overcharge?
18.II Tim 2:22: Do you have any personal habits that are not pure? Do you allow impure thoughts about the opposite sex to stay in your mind? Do you read that which is impure or suggest unholy things? Do you indulge in any unclean entertainment? Are you guilty of the lustful look?
19.Heb. 10:25: Do you stay away from the meetings of preaching the gospel? Do you whisper or think about others things while God’s word is being read or preached? Are you irregular in attendance at services? Do you neglect to attend or participate in meetings for prayer? Have you neglected or slighted daily or private prayer? Have you neglected God’s Word? Do you find the Bible and prayer uninteresting? Have you neglected thanksgiving at meals? Have you neglected daily family devotions?
20.Heb. 13:17 Do you hesitate to submit to leaders in the church or elsewhere? Are you lazy? Do you rebel at requests given to you to help in the work of the gospel? Do you in any way have a stubborn or unreachable spirit?
21.James 1:27: Have you allowed yourself to become “spotted’ by the world? Is your manner of dress pleasing to God? Do you spend beyond what is pleasing to God on anything? Do you neglect to pray about things you buy?
22.James 3:5: Do you feel that you are doing quite well as a Christian? That you are not so bad? That you are good enough? Are you stubborn? Do you insist on having your own way? Do you insist on your right?
23.James 4:11: Have you dishonored Him and hindered His work by criticizing His servants? Have you failed to pray regularly for your pastor or other spiritual leaders? Do you find it hard to corrected? Are you more concerned about what people will think than what will be pleasing to God?
If you have been honest and true in the matter of admitting your sings, then you are ready for God’s cleanings. Sins that are admitted are sins that are confessed. Remember these three things:
1.If the sin is against God, confess it to God, and make things right with God
2.If the sin is against another person, confess it to God, and make the sin right with the other one.
3.If the sin is against a group, confess it to God, and make it right with the group.
If there is full confession, there will be full cleansing. Then the joy of the Lord will follow. There can be testimony and prayer in the power of the Holy Spirit. Revival will follow.
Psalm 19:12 – “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse thou me from secret faults.”
It's a convicting read, so...just be ready! But running in the way of repentance is always better than digging up an argument. God spoke to me a few months ago and he told me that broken/repentant people have no more arguments. They just submit. Oh how I want this in my life.
Heart Searching for Prayer Preparation and Personal Revival
Confession of sin is necessary for fellowship with Go and revival among God’s people. One of the problems we face as Christians is that many people do not look on sin as being very bad. Seeing it as high treason has revolutionized my thinking. Ezekiel 39:23 (NAS). In other words, when a Christian is Christ-controlled, Christ is on the throne of his life. Ego-self is dethroned. When the slightest sin is committed, a thought, word, deed or attitude, Christ is dethroned and ego-self is enthroned. That is treason! It is self usurping the throne from Christ. Because He is King of kings and Lord of lords, it is HIGH treason.
Perhaps this is one reason James could say, “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.” (James 2:10) It is not so much the sin that is bad, but the very nature of sin itself. It is high treason.
Prayerfully, consider the following questions. Go through these questions one by one. Answer truthfully each question. Every “yes” answer will mean sin in your life.
In reading these questions, as you are convicted of sin, confess it at once to God. Be willing to make it right…then you can claim cleansing and forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:9)
Be sure to name your sins to God, as…”Lord, I have not put thee first in my plans.” Or “I have neglected Thy work in prayer.” Do not make the least excuse for sin of any kind in your life. “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper; but whosoever confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13).
No matter what others do, or not do. Christian, leave nothing undone on your part. God wants to work through you to bring about a great spiritual awakening. He can begin by your fulfilling every requirement shown by the Lord through the Holy Spirit and His Word. A revival from the presence of the Lord begins today, if you desire it. (read the scriptures first. Ask the questions. Give a truthful answer…”yes” or “no” Do not go to the next question until you have settled the one at hand. This is not just to be read but prayed through.
1.Matt. 6:12-14: Is there anyone against whom you hold a grudge? Anyone you have not forgiven? Anyone you hate? Anyone you do not love? Are there any misunderstandings that you are unwilling to forget? Is there any person against whom you are harboring bitterness, resentment, or jealousy? Anyone you dislike to hear praised or well spoken of? Do you allow anything to justify a wrong attitude toward another?
2.Matt. 6:33: Is there anything in which you have failed to put God first? Have your decisions been made after your own wisdom and desires, rather than by seeking and following God’s will? DO any of the following in any way interfere with your surrender and service to God; ambition, pleasures, loved ones, friendships, desire for recognition, money, your own plans?
3.Mark 16:15: Have you failed to seek the lost for Christ. Have you failed to witness consistently with your mouth for the Lord Jesus Christ? Has your life not shown to the lost the Lord Jesus?
4.John 13:35: Are you secretly pleased over the misfortunes of others? Are you secretly annoyed over the accomplishments or advancements of another? Are you guilty of any contention or strife? Do you quarrel, argue or engage in heated discussions? Are you a partaker in any division, or party spirit? Are there people whom you deliberately slight?
5.Acts 20:35: Have you robbed God by withholding His due of time, talents and money? Have you given less than a tenth of your income for god’s work? Have you failed to support mission work either in prayer or in offerings?
6.I Cor. 4:2: Are you undependable so that you cannot be trusted with responsibilities in the Lord’s work? Are you allowing your emotions to be stirred for the things of the Lord but doing nothing about it?
7.I Cor. 6:19-20: Are you in any way careless with your body? Do you fail to care for it as the temple of the Holy Spirit? Are you in any way careless with your body? Do you fail to care for it as the temple of the Holy Spirit? Are you guilt of intemperance in eating or drinking? Do you have any habits which are defiling to the body?
8.I Cor. 10:31: Do you take the slightest credit for anything good about you, rather than give all the glory to God? Do you talk of what you have done rather than of what Christ has done? Are your statements mostly about “I?” Are you feelings easily hurt? Have you made a pretense of being something that you are not?
9.Eph. 3:20: Are you self-conscience rather than Christ-conscious? Do you allow feeling of inferiority to keep you from attempting things you should in service for God?
10.Eph. 4:28: Do you underpay? Do you do very little in your work? Have you been careless in the payment of your debts? Have you sought to evade payment of your debts? Do you waste time? Do you waste time for others?
11.Eph. 4:31: Do you complain? Do you find fault? Do you have a critical attitude towards any person or anything? Are you irritable or cranky? Do you ever carry hidden anger? Do you get angry? Do you become impatient with others? Are you ever harsh or unkind?
12.Eph. 5:15-16: Do you listen to unedifying radio or television programs? Do you read unworthy magazines? Do you participate in worldly amusements? Do you find it necessary to seek satisfaction from any questionable source? Are you doing certain things that show that you are not satisfied in the Lord Jesus Christ?
13.Eph 5:20: Have you neglected to thank Him for all things, the seemingly bad as well as the good? Have you virtually called God a liar by doubting His word? Do you worry? Is your spiritual temperature based on your feelings instead of on the facts of God’s word?
14.Phil 1:21: Are you taken up with the cares of this life? Is your conversation or hear joyful over things rather than the Lord and His word? Does anything mean more to you than living for and pleasing God?
15.Phil 2:14: Do you ever by word or deed seek to hurt someone? Do you gossip? Do you speak unkindly concerning people when they are not present?
16.Phil 4:4: Have you neglected to seek to be pleasing to Him in all things? Do you carry any bitterness towards God? Have you complained against Him in any way? Have you been dissatisfied with His provision for you? Is there in your heart any unwillingness to obey God fully? Do you have any reservations as to what you would or would not do concerning anything that might be His will? Have you disobeyed some direct leading from Him?
17.Col. 3:9: Do you engage in empty and unprofitable conversation? Do you ever lie? Do you ever exaggerate? Cheat? Steal? Carefully consider…do you overcharge?
18.II Tim 2:22: Do you have any personal habits that are not pure? Do you allow impure thoughts about the opposite sex to stay in your mind? Do you read that which is impure or suggest unholy things? Do you indulge in any unclean entertainment? Are you guilty of the lustful look?
19.Heb. 10:25: Do you stay away from the meetings of preaching the gospel? Do you whisper or think about others things while God’s word is being read or preached? Are you irregular in attendance at services? Do you neglect to attend or participate in meetings for prayer? Have you neglected or slighted daily or private prayer? Have you neglected God’s Word? Do you find the Bible and prayer uninteresting? Have you neglected thanksgiving at meals? Have you neglected daily family devotions?
20.Heb. 13:17 Do you hesitate to submit to leaders in the church or elsewhere? Are you lazy? Do you rebel at requests given to you to help in the work of the gospel? Do you in any way have a stubborn or unreachable spirit?
21.James 1:27: Have you allowed yourself to become “spotted’ by the world? Is your manner of dress pleasing to God? Do you spend beyond what is pleasing to God on anything? Do you neglect to pray about things you buy?
22.James 3:5: Do you feel that you are doing quite well as a Christian? That you are not so bad? That you are good enough? Are you stubborn? Do you insist on having your own way? Do you insist on your right?
23.James 4:11: Have you dishonored Him and hindered His work by criticizing His servants? Have you failed to pray regularly for your pastor or other spiritual leaders? Do you find it hard to corrected? Are you more concerned about what people will think than what will be pleasing to God?
If you have been honest and true in the matter of admitting your sings, then you are ready for God’s cleanings. Sins that are admitted are sins that are confessed. Remember these three things:
1.If the sin is against God, confess it to God, and make things right with God
2.If the sin is against another person, confess it to God, and make the sin right with the other one.
3.If the sin is against a group, confess it to God, and make it right with the group.
If there is full confession, there will be full cleansing. Then the joy of the Lord will follow. There can be testimony and prayer in the power of the Holy Spirit. Revival will follow.
Psalm 19:12 – “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse thou me from secret faults.”
Saturday, January 16, 2010
This is an Hour of Invitation
Lord, would you give us the grace and strength to say yes to whatever it is you are asking us?
http://randybohlender.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/welcome-to-the-luke-18-school-of-politics/
http://randybohlender.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/welcome-to-the-luke-18-school-of-politics/
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
He Gives and Takes Away
This is the news and it's very sad to me. Very sad. No need to deny the sorrow and grieving that is taking place on the earth today.
http://louxfamilyblog.com/
Derek Loux was not a personal friend of mine though I knew him as many others knew him; as an inspirational forerunner that trumpeted the Father's heart for the fatherless and oppressed wherever his feet took him. I have heard him speak a number of times and I would say that his message is so raw that it is almost before his time; very much like both his life and death. His exhortations haunt me as I follow the LORD in my own journey concerning the fatherless and what justice would look like for them. Honestly, it looks like a family. This is justice for the orphan and the widow; to be set in families.
For whatever reason, this tragedy has touched me deeply in my soul. Perhaps in part it is the precious burden of intercession. I realize it's a gift to feel the heart of Jesus, not just know it. In saying yes to the emotions of God, not just the cerebral things, you partake in the fellowship of suffering as well as the glory. But perhaps the other part would be that it's devastating to lose, period. Loss is just plain painful. 10 priceless children and one beautiful bride lost something/someone very valuable today. And yet we say, 'Blessed be the name of the LORD! Who gives and takes away!' Surely, there is pain in this offering tonight.
Watching the IHOP web stream I have seen/felt the complexity of grieving intertwined with raw praise unto a good God who's always good though hard to fathom. I believe there are tears mingled with the wine tonight in Kansas City and for many who touch IHOP-KC. I feel we have lost a father today and yet I say I trust You, Father.
http://louxfamilyblog.com/
Derek Loux was not a personal friend of mine though I knew him as many others knew him; as an inspirational forerunner that trumpeted the Father's heart for the fatherless and oppressed wherever his feet took him. I have heard him speak a number of times and I would say that his message is so raw that it is almost before his time; very much like both his life and death. His exhortations haunt me as I follow the LORD in my own journey concerning the fatherless and what justice would look like for them. Honestly, it looks like a family. This is justice for the orphan and the widow; to be set in families.
For whatever reason, this tragedy has touched me deeply in my soul. Perhaps in part it is the precious burden of intercession. I realize it's a gift to feel the heart of Jesus, not just know it. In saying yes to the emotions of God, not just the cerebral things, you partake in the fellowship of suffering as well as the glory. But perhaps the other part would be that it's devastating to lose, period. Loss is just plain painful. 10 priceless children and one beautiful bride lost something/someone very valuable today. And yet we say, 'Blessed be the name of the LORD! Who gives and takes away!' Surely, there is pain in this offering tonight.
Watching the IHOP web stream I have seen/felt the complexity of grieving intertwined with raw praise unto a good God who's always good though hard to fathom. I believe there are tears mingled with the wine tonight in Kansas City and for many who touch IHOP-KC. I feel we have lost a father today and yet I say I trust You, Father.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Power of Prayer
Not sure why this always seems to be the case but, I woke up yet again with a phrase in my mouth. In my dream I was preaching on a stage and this is what I said.
"It's no wonder people do not pray. If you are not convinced that prayer changes things in the heavens and earth, then you would have no motivation to engage in prayer."
Do you believe that your prayers CHANGE things? If not, that might be the resistance to engaging in it. Lord, release a revelation of the power of deep fellowship and friendship with the Living God!
"It's no wonder people do not pray. If you are not convinced that prayer changes things in the heavens and earth, then you would have no motivation to engage in prayer."
Do you believe that your prayers CHANGE things? If not, that might be the resistance to engaging in it. Lord, release a revelation of the power of deep fellowship and friendship with the Living God!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Apostolic Women
I am reading a book that was loaned to me by a dear friend of mine. The book is called, The Lost Apostle and you can find more on it/the author here: http://www.renapederson.com/
It's the story of Junia, an apostle named by Paul, the one whom also mentions that women should learn in quiet submission. The basis of the book is found in Romans 16:7.
"Salute Andronicus and Junia, my kinsmen, and my fellow-prisoners, who are of note among the apostles, who also were in Christ before me."
Junia was a woman.
When I first started to read the book, something inside of me began to identify with the shame of being a female in general, let alone in ministry. My deep-rooted fear of man (not limited to women, by any means) began to reveal itself and I felt a deep sorrow in my heart. Not your typical response, I don't think, to discovering that there were indeed female apostles in the Bible. You would think that my heart would have initially been delighted but, I was confronted w/my own disbelief and ignorance over this issue. I've been in such a season of coming into my 'own' (or rather, 'his' own) that my eyes have been both gradually and instantly opened in a way that absolutely feels revelatory. I should not be surprised by such obvious insights and yet, it always seems like the first time I've heard it when it does come.
I believe a revelation of bridal partnership is coming in a deep, powerful way. I am reminded of the recent words of Shelley Hundley concerning this. And this revelation is most certainly for the bride, both men and women, but I see so many prophetic parallels in the way the women in the Bible governed w/authority, fearlessness and integrity of heart and how the Bride of Christ is to govern, as well. Women who feared the Lord and acknowledged his name were used mightily by Him to accomplish His purposes. There is no male/female in Christ in this sense. Galatians 3:28 'There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.'
I believe this is the time for me to finish this book. The Holy Spirit is calling me to journey with Him and to open up my heart to what the scriptures really say and really mean concerning women, and apostolic women, at that. I have no desire to rule over a man as I see my own shortcomings and vulnerabilities every day. However, I also see these same obstacles in the lives of men.
I believe the LORD is raising up a warring bride. There is no doubt of this in me. However, am I willing to believe that he really IS raising up Deborah's whom govern His children, and settle matters? I have prayed it, I have believed it in part but I feel the Lord wants to release faith in a greater measure to me that I could call forth the generals in the bride; the women, in specific. Those who do not fear because they know their God. Those who are not afraid of blood and war and burn with the justice of a Bridegroom King. Those who will carry out the strategies of heaven as they are allowed to be in the counsel of the war room. Lord, bring forth a warring bride, whomever will arise and shine! Especially the women and children; while unsuspecting warriors, the victory has been given to them.
It's the story of Junia, an apostle named by Paul, the one whom also mentions that women should learn in quiet submission. The basis of the book is found in Romans 16:7.
"Salute Andronicus and Junia, my kinsmen, and my fellow-prisoners, who are of note among the apostles, who also were in Christ before me."
Junia was a woman.
When I first started to read the book, something inside of me began to identify with the shame of being a female in general, let alone in ministry. My deep-rooted fear of man (not limited to women, by any means) began to reveal itself and I felt a deep sorrow in my heart. Not your typical response, I don't think, to discovering that there were indeed female apostles in the Bible. You would think that my heart would have initially been delighted but, I was confronted w/my own disbelief and ignorance over this issue. I've been in such a season of coming into my 'own' (or rather, 'his' own) that my eyes have been both gradually and instantly opened in a way that absolutely feels revelatory. I should not be surprised by such obvious insights and yet, it always seems like the first time I've heard it when it does come.
I believe a revelation of bridal partnership is coming in a deep, powerful way. I am reminded of the recent words of Shelley Hundley concerning this. And this revelation is most certainly for the bride, both men and women, but I see so many prophetic parallels in the way the women in the Bible governed w/authority, fearlessness and integrity of heart and how the Bride of Christ is to govern, as well. Women who feared the Lord and acknowledged his name were used mightily by Him to accomplish His purposes. There is no male/female in Christ in this sense. Galatians 3:28 'There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.'
I believe this is the time for me to finish this book. The Holy Spirit is calling me to journey with Him and to open up my heart to what the scriptures really say and really mean concerning women, and apostolic women, at that. I have no desire to rule over a man as I see my own shortcomings and vulnerabilities every day. However, I also see these same obstacles in the lives of men.
I believe the LORD is raising up a warring bride. There is no doubt of this in me. However, am I willing to believe that he really IS raising up Deborah's whom govern His children, and settle matters? I have prayed it, I have believed it in part but I feel the Lord wants to release faith in a greater measure to me that I could call forth the generals in the bride; the women, in specific. Those who do not fear because they know their God. Those who are not afraid of blood and war and burn with the justice of a Bridegroom King. Those who will carry out the strategies of heaven as they are allowed to be in the counsel of the war room. Lord, bring forth a warring bride, whomever will arise and shine! Especially the women and children; while unsuspecting warriors, the victory has been given to them.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
The Friend and the Bride of the Bridegroom
I woke up this morning with this phrase in my head.
"Because I'm his friend he tells me his secrets. Because I am his bride he lets me govern those secrets."
Wow. God...in friendship you share your heart with me; your burdens, your longings, your insights and truths. But in bridal partnership you share your authority with me to govern those things and bring forth the fruit of that love relationship on the earth. What joy is mine!!!!
John 3:29
"The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete."
"Because I'm his friend he tells me his secrets. Because I am his bride he lets me govern those secrets."
Wow. God...in friendship you share your heart with me; your burdens, your longings, your insights and truths. But in bridal partnership you share your authority with me to govern those things and bring forth the fruit of that love relationship on the earth. What joy is mine!!!!
John 3:29
"The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete."
Monday, December 14, 2009
Revealed with Fire
Had a dream about fire Saturday night. Thought I would share it.
In my dream I was running alongside a field that had been burnt up by fire. I understood that it had been subject to controlled burning as many land owners will do in times of drought. As I was running I noticed a woman and her husband (actual people I know) in the field. She was standing above him as he was sitting on the ground, covered in flames. He was not responding to the flames as a man on fire would be. I was alarmed and yet, the flames were not consuming him as natural fire would. It made me think of the burning bush in the Old Testament. As I came near to this woman I began to pray with her for her husband and then we each took a hand and pulled him up from the place he was sitting, as if we were pulling him from the fire. As he was pulled up he turned into another friend of mine and then her mother was revealed, standing next to her. So, I had the married couple on one side and the mother/daughter on the other side. I then began to speak to them, "The Lord is saying that He has qualified you with fire. With fire you have been qualified." And right then their hearts were set to rest because of the word of encouragement and they were affirmed in Jesus, despite this time of fiery testing. (in the natural both of the situations have been devastating) The dream continues from there but I will not publish the rest. I feel it's for a later time.
As I was praying into this dream the Lord took me to 1 Corinthians 3 where Jesus is speaking of ministries, actually, and the testing/revealing of them with fire.
1 Corinthians 3: 12- 15
If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
There is personal revelation here for the Bride, not just in the context of contrasting ministries. This idea of fire that does not consume the person but rather what the person has built is a mystery that begs to be made known in this hour. I have a general understanding of this parable and what it means to have the Day or light showing the works of man for what it is. However, I feel there is a fire before the fire that is coming. This type of fire I believe it actually testing the hearts of men that they would suffer loss in this day rather than on that Day.
Over the summer the Lord spoke to my heart about fire that was coming for me in January of 2010. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me that I would be, "birthing fire by January." The imagery alone makes me hurt! Birthing anything is painful but FIRE?! So, I know the fire is coming; the controlled burn of the Spirit is coming as a preventative measure against the fire that WILL consume. The quality of each man's work will be revealed. The good news? If it stands approved of God, he will receive his reward. What is the reward? Only God knows the full measure of the reward but I do believe He shared with me that one of the immediate reward is the ability to move into the 'qualifying rounds' that we would be properly positioned to receive the newness of what He is going to bring. I believe He wants to add to what He's begun but the foundation must first be proven. New wine requires new wineskin lest it be destroyed. A new wineskin requires the forging and fire of God. I pray we are able to stand as approved workmanship in the day of fire.
1 Timothy 2:15
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I am feeling the deep shift and change in the plates of my soul, again. I have prayed for exponential grace and growth for this next year. I believe I am feeling the establishing of that in my spirit and it's causing my flesh to be very uncomfortable where I am. It's sometimes difficult to know what a normal 'day in the life of' a mother of four looks like while carrying/birthing holy burdens and burnings. And yet, I don't want to be able to recognize myself when this is all said and done. I want renewal and transformation in the deepest parts. Quick shifts and changes rattle cages yet I've willingly sung the song, "Come and turn my little world upside down!" Oh, He's doing it...from the inside out.
In my dream I was running alongside a field that had been burnt up by fire. I understood that it had been subject to controlled burning as many land owners will do in times of drought. As I was running I noticed a woman and her husband (actual people I know) in the field. She was standing above him as he was sitting on the ground, covered in flames. He was not responding to the flames as a man on fire would be. I was alarmed and yet, the flames were not consuming him as natural fire would. It made me think of the burning bush in the Old Testament. As I came near to this woman I began to pray with her for her husband and then we each took a hand and pulled him up from the place he was sitting, as if we were pulling him from the fire. As he was pulled up he turned into another friend of mine and then her mother was revealed, standing next to her. So, I had the married couple on one side and the mother/daughter on the other side. I then began to speak to them, "The Lord is saying that He has qualified you with fire. With fire you have been qualified." And right then their hearts were set to rest because of the word of encouragement and they were affirmed in Jesus, despite this time of fiery testing. (in the natural both of the situations have been devastating) The dream continues from there but I will not publish the rest. I feel it's for a later time.
As I was praying into this dream the Lord took me to 1 Corinthians 3 where Jesus is speaking of ministries, actually, and the testing/revealing of them with fire.
1 Corinthians 3: 12- 15
If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.
There is personal revelation here for the Bride, not just in the context of contrasting ministries. This idea of fire that does not consume the person but rather what the person has built is a mystery that begs to be made known in this hour. I have a general understanding of this parable and what it means to have the Day or light showing the works of man for what it is. However, I feel there is a fire before the fire that is coming. This type of fire I believe it actually testing the hearts of men that they would suffer loss in this day rather than on that Day.
Over the summer the Lord spoke to my heart about fire that was coming for me in January of 2010. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me that I would be, "birthing fire by January." The imagery alone makes me hurt! Birthing anything is painful but FIRE?! So, I know the fire is coming; the controlled burn of the Spirit is coming as a preventative measure against the fire that WILL consume. The quality of each man's work will be revealed. The good news? If it stands approved of God, he will receive his reward. What is the reward? Only God knows the full measure of the reward but I do believe He shared with me that one of the immediate reward is the ability to move into the 'qualifying rounds' that we would be properly positioned to receive the newness of what He is going to bring. I believe He wants to add to what He's begun but the foundation must first be proven. New wine requires new wineskin lest it be destroyed. A new wineskin requires the forging and fire of God. I pray we are able to stand as approved workmanship in the day of fire.
1 Timothy 2:15
Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I am feeling the deep shift and change in the plates of my soul, again. I have prayed for exponential grace and growth for this next year. I believe I am feeling the establishing of that in my spirit and it's causing my flesh to be very uncomfortable where I am. It's sometimes difficult to know what a normal 'day in the life of' a mother of four looks like while carrying/birthing holy burdens and burnings. And yet, I don't want to be able to recognize myself when this is all said and done. I want renewal and transformation in the deepest parts. Quick shifts and changes rattle cages yet I've willingly sung the song, "Come and turn my little world upside down!" Oh, He's doing it...from the inside out.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
2 Corinthians 12:10
If our strength is not derived from a place of weakness, then it's probably not from Him.
Selah...
Selah...
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Love Wins Because It Never Fails
The other day my little guy Teague was in a sour mood, which is hard to imagine because he's the most pleasant toddler I've had, by far. He was disgruntled about something (it escapes me now) and was shuffling over to the stove to tell me about his issue. (Something about something with Taryn sounds about right...) He said he was going to be a mean boy about it, though. (That means he's going to be stinky and get mad about something. He warns us :)) I said, "No, you shouldn't be a mean boy." He then told me that he was going to be a mean boy to me for saying that to him! Then he made the smallest, cutest fist with the sweetest, softest little boy hands and took at swing at my thigh. Normally, a parent (perhaps myself a few years ago) would take a rigid approach and say something along the lines of, "How dare you hit me!" and all that jazz. However, I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart to just wait a moment and to teach him something about His ways.
So, I allowed my precious little boy to sock me in the thigh (I made sure not to laugh at how gentle it was) as I stood above him, fixing dinner over the stove top. He looked up at me and tried to read my expression as I stood over him. I smiled and said, "I love you, Teague."
He looked down at my thigh and repeated his clench, swing and hit but this time a bit harder. Looking up again he met my eyes and I smiled and said, "I love you, Teague. Even when you hit me, I still love you." Then he ran off real quick-like (I thought he had grown frustrated but...nope) and came back with an empty aluminum foil roll (his make-shift light saber) and began to whip the back of my knees with it. Whomp, whomp, whomp with all his might and then a look up into my face, yet again.
"Teague, no matter what you do to me, I win. I'm love."
He looked confused at first and so I expounded.
"Love is better than mean so, I win! Love always beats mean so I win!"
He slipped away from me as I continued to cook dinner and when I found him again he was the kind and gentle boy I know most days. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would do a work in his young heart. I was able to see a quick return on that prayer last night while lying in bed with my little brother bear.
We were talking about all sorts of things under the sun but of course some talk of soldiers came in, and about how Teague wears his armor and kills all the bad guys. (I love this valor in boys) He says to me with total conviction, "Mom, I kill all the bad guys. You know why? Because I'm love and love wins." My heart almost leaped out of my chest because that little guy's spirit heard the words of truth that day and received them as such. I said to him, "That's right, son! Love always wins and you are love because Jesus is love and He's inside of you!" And then we tweaked the killing part a little bit w/the concept being that the way you beat the bad guys is to turn them into good guys...no need to kill them :P He loved that idea even more!
So, thank you LORD for revealing the power of LOVE to a 3 year old! Would you do it in the hearts of your adult children, too?!
So, I allowed my precious little boy to sock me in the thigh (I made sure not to laugh at how gentle it was) as I stood above him, fixing dinner over the stove top. He looked up at me and tried to read my expression as I stood over him. I smiled and said, "I love you, Teague."
He looked down at my thigh and repeated his clench, swing and hit but this time a bit harder. Looking up again he met my eyes and I smiled and said, "I love you, Teague. Even when you hit me, I still love you." Then he ran off real quick-like (I thought he had grown frustrated but...nope) and came back with an empty aluminum foil roll (his make-shift light saber) and began to whip the back of my knees with it. Whomp, whomp, whomp with all his might and then a look up into my face, yet again.
"Teague, no matter what you do to me, I win. I'm love."
He looked confused at first and so I expounded.
"Love is better than mean so, I win! Love always beats mean so I win!"
He slipped away from me as I continued to cook dinner and when I found him again he was the kind and gentle boy I know most days. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would do a work in his young heart. I was able to see a quick return on that prayer last night while lying in bed with my little brother bear.
We were talking about all sorts of things under the sun but of course some talk of soldiers came in, and about how Teague wears his armor and kills all the bad guys. (I love this valor in boys) He says to me with total conviction, "Mom, I kill all the bad guys. You know why? Because I'm love and love wins." My heart almost leaped out of my chest because that little guy's spirit heard the words of truth that day and received them as such. I said to him, "That's right, son! Love always wins and you are love because Jesus is love and He's inside of you!" And then we tweaked the killing part a little bit w/the concept being that the way you beat the bad guys is to turn them into good guys...no need to kill them :P He loved that idea even more!
So, thank you LORD for revealing the power of LOVE to a 3 year old! Would you do it in the hearts of your adult children, too?!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Rise & Shine
Isaiah 60:1 "Arise, shine; For your light has come! And the glory of the LORD is risen upon you."
Woke up this morning around 6:45am to Tim crawling back into bed. He had gone to the JBU prayer vigil at about 4:30am this morning and was now returning to his warm haven. As I was waking up I was torn from a dream.
In the dream I was a news reporter and I was sitting at my computer, fingers on the keyboard. I was waiting for the headline from 'heaven' as I sat there, listening, waiting with expectation. I was waiting on the word of the LORD to fall so that I could type it, print it and deliver it to the people. Then suddenly the headline came from heaven. I heard a voice saying, "RISE AND SHINE! RISE AND SHINE! RISE AND SHINE!" I started to type it instantly, again and again, on my keyboard. I started to say it, again and again, out loud. Then I literally was awakened from the dream. And now I'm literally typing it on my computer for you to read :) LORD, let your light shine through us and your glory, upon us!
I am preparing to head to the JBU prayer vigil to help lead a set concerning sexual purity and women. I asked Jesus to give me a dream concerning this and to burden my heart for what burdens his heart. I indeed had a dream and it confirmed something the LORD showed me yesterday as I was making my bed. (rare occurrence, the bed-making part)
In my dream I saw a young, beautiful girl dressed in a very sensual way; super high heels and clothing that hung from her body. Then I saw a film strip of snapshots where she was disrobing and capturing every bit on camera. She was then posting these photos on the Internet. This would seem quite random and odd for some however, I had asked God to highlight areas for prayer concerning purity and holiness in women (college women, in specific) and believe he has done so. Also, the LORD shared a snippet of his heart with me yesterday while I was making my bed, concerning women who long to be desired and find that 'wanted' feeling through online live streams and digital uploads of themselves in a sexual manner, on the Internet. I paused to pray with him because my heart was grieved. Thinking of girls in high school, as well, as they give themselves away; casting pearls before swine. I can so identify with this burden. The LORD has done a deep, deep work in me concerning purity and it's been painful/wonderful. The journey continues as He woos my heart to give every part for the sake of holiness. Holiness is looking much different as I get older. I see it's more than right and wrong/good and bad; it's about purity in every part, righteousness in every choice, and holiness as a lifestyle. For me, it's really come down to this dialogue and mindset, 'God, you dwell in unapproachable light and the splendor of holiness. I want to be near you and you want to be near me...but I am unclean. Come closer and make me holy as you are holy.' And He has absolutely answered this prayer and continues to answer it. He will not allow sin and darkness to separate us so why should I?
I hope to have an update of God's goodness and healing power this morning. Such a beautiful Redeemer I serve!
Woke up this morning around 6:45am to Tim crawling back into bed. He had gone to the JBU prayer vigil at about 4:30am this morning and was now returning to his warm haven. As I was waking up I was torn from a dream.
In the dream I was a news reporter and I was sitting at my computer, fingers on the keyboard. I was waiting for the headline from 'heaven' as I sat there, listening, waiting with expectation. I was waiting on the word of the LORD to fall so that I could type it, print it and deliver it to the people. Then suddenly the headline came from heaven. I heard a voice saying, "RISE AND SHINE! RISE AND SHINE! RISE AND SHINE!" I started to type it instantly, again and again, on my keyboard. I started to say it, again and again, out loud. Then I literally was awakened from the dream. And now I'm literally typing it on my computer for you to read :) LORD, let your light shine through us and your glory, upon us!
I am preparing to head to the JBU prayer vigil to help lead a set concerning sexual purity and women. I asked Jesus to give me a dream concerning this and to burden my heart for what burdens his heart. I indeed had a dream and it confirmed something the LORD showed me yesterday as I was making my bed. (rare occurrence, the bed-making part)
In my dream I saw a young, beautiful girl dressed in a very sensual way; super high heels and clothing that hung from her body. Then I saw a film strip of snapshots where she was disrobing and capturing every bit on camera. She was then posting these photos on the Internet. This would seem quite random and odd for some however, I had asked God to highlight areas for prayer concerning purity and holiness in women (college women, in specific) and believe he has done so. Also, the LORD shared a snippet of his heart with me yesterday while I was making my bed, concerning women who long to be desired and find that 'wanted' feeling through online live streams and digital uploads of themselves in a sexual manner, on the Internet. I paused to pray with him because my heart was grieved. Thinking of girls in high school, as well, as they give themselves away; casting pearls before swine. I can so identify with this burden. The LORD has done a deep, deep work in me concerning purity and it's been painful/wonderful. The journey continues as He woos my heart to give every part for the sake of holiness. Holiness is looking much different as I get older. I see it's more than right and wrong/good and bad; it's about purity in every part, righteousness in every choice, and holiness as a lifestyle. For me, it's really come down to this dialogue and mindset, 'God, you dwell in unapproachable light and the splendor of holiness. I want to be near you and you want to be near me...but I am unclean. Come closer and make me holy as you are holy.' And He has absolutely answered this prayer and continues to answer it. He will not allow sin and darkness to separate us so why should I?
I hope to have an update of God's goodness and healing power this morning. Such a beautiful Redeemer I serve!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
How long, O LORD...
Something is happening to me. I'm not sure how to confine it in everyday life, at times. It feels as if I am being seasoned like a cast iron pot; in the fire before being put to good use. The fire before the fire, I suppose. At any rate, I feel my mind/will/emotions being changed and as I am occasionally exposed to and reintroduced back into moments of "normal" life I see that something very deep within has fundamentally changed. It's serves as a divine marking that is to set me on a course for the rest of my life, and for the generations to come as well. I understand this much and yet the pain is quite evident. I am confronted and confined by the context of the wilderness that I said yes to almost a year ago, with all that I had and with all that I am. Is this my first time in the wilderness? Not at all. Is this the first time I have gone even somewhat willingly? Perhaps. Am I leaning? More like crawling...
I woke up this morning with a phrase in my spirit, "How long, O LORD..." It rings through me again and again. It's a cry for justice as in the days of Habakkuk. How long, O LORD, before the wrong things are made right?! How long before your judgments are on the earth?!
Habakkuk 1:1-4
"How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted."
That word 'violence' is such a trigger word for me. You see, I had a dream the night before last and it was violent and it imparted a violence in my spirit by simply sharing in it. The message swirled about me all day yesterday and it was this, "When you experience the violence of injustice (the oppressed), you become violent for the kingdom of heaven!"
Matthew 11:12 "...the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force."
The Lord is establishing a violence in me towards injustice and FOR the kingdom of heaven to come as JUSTICE to this unjust world! At times it feels that I can not bear the raw emotion of it. It seems that if I give myself to the zeal of justice, it will sweep me away into a place so far removed from where I am today. The justice heart of Jesus is imparting a cry that only He can answer. Habakkuk questions the LORD, "Why do you make me look at injustice?" It's almost unbearable to see and to know the injustices that occur in the land and yet I so believe this is something the LORD is doing in His bride, that she might burn as He burns. The LORD has spoken so many times to me through the story of Hannah, and through her season of provoking in her barrenness.
1 Samuel 1:6-7 And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat.
We each have our own areas of barrenness. Mine are not greater than yours. However, it feels that in this season mine provoke me on every front as I am forced to watch, "the wicked hem in the righteous" and those who provoke, prosper. This is divine, I understand, but it's almost torture as it cultivates a zeal that I have yet to taste.
When I see businesses prosper, I crave it's profit for the poor of the earth. When I see rich and lavish foods, I desire it for the perishing. When I see excesses and surpluses, I covet it for the deficits of the oppressed. When I observe the man who does not acknowledge the Lord and yet goes about his days, I long to see his freedom and mobility granted to those who are bound to wheelchairs and hospital beds. When I see the senseless wealth of the wicked, and I claim it for the release of the captives and for the setting of the lonely into families. When I see justice perverted and the innocent sentenced to a violent death, I reel in my spirit for a just judge to RETURN!!!! Lord, will you allow this zeal to consume me? May it set me ablaze that I may burn before you in intercession. May it cause me to pour out my soul before you, as it did Hannah, as my 'womb' remains empty.
How long have I lived for myself, God? Since birth I have looked after my own interests. But now you mark me, bless me, with such an intimate partnership; such an extravagant offering of my soul. The invitation into deep fellowship; the justice heart of a just Bridegroom King. I will not send you away this time. I will not say, "Until the day breaks, and the shadows flee, turn..." because you have drawn me. I say, "I will rise now and go..." because the zeal of the Lord has called me out of my comfort. Great is the invitation, dangerous is the journey but VICTORIOUS is our JUST KING as he conquers injustice on the earth and releases his judgments unto righteousness.
I woke up this morning with a phrase in my spirit, "How long, O LORD..." It rings through me again and again. It's a cry for justice as in the days of Habakkuk. How long, O LORD, before the wrong things are made right?! How long before your judgments are on the earth?!
Habakkuk 1:1-4
"How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted."
That word 'violence' is such a trigger word for me. You see, I had a dream the night before last and it was violent and it imparted a violence in my spirit by simply sharing in it. The message swirled about me all day yesterday and it was this, "When you experience the violence of injustice (the oppressed), you become violent for the kingdom of heaven!"
Matthew 11:12 "...the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force."
The Lord is establishing a violence in me towards injustice and FOR the kingdom of heaven to come as JUSTICE to this unjust world! At times it feels that I can not bear the raw emotion of it. It seems that if I give myself to the zeal of justice, it will sweep me away into a place so far removed from where I am today. The justice heart of Jesus is imparting a cry that only He can answer. Habakkuk questions the LORD, "Why do you make me look at injustice?" It's almost unbearable to see and to know the injustices that occur in the land and yet I so believe this is something the LORD is doing in His bride, that she might burn as He burns. The LORD has spoken so many times to me through the story of Hannah, and through her season of provoking in her barrenness.
1 Samuel 1:6-7 And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat.
We each have our own areas of barrenness. Mine are not greater than yours. However, it feels that in this season mine provoke me on every front as I am forced to watch, "the wicked hem in the righteous" and those who provoke, prosper. This is divine, I understand, but it's almost torture as it cultivates a zeal that I have yet to taste.
When I see businesses prosper, I crave it's profit for the poor of the earth. When I see rich and lavish foods, I desire it for the perishing. When I see excesses and surpluses, I covet it for the deficits of the oppressed. When I observe the man who does not acknowledge the Lord and yet goes about his days, I long to see his freedom and mobility granted to those who are bound to wheelchairs and hospital beds. When I see the senseless wealth of the wicked, and I claim it for the release of the captives and for the setting of the lonely into families. When I see justice perverted and the innocent sentenced to a violent death, I reel in my spirit for a just judge to RETURN!!!! Lord, will you allow this zeal to consume me? May it set me ablaze that I may burn before you in intercession. May it cause me to pour out my soul before you, as it did Hannah, as my 'womb' remains empty.
How long have I lived for myself, God? Since birth I have looked after my own interests. But now you mark me, bless me, with such an intimate partnership; such an extravagant offering of my soul. The invitation into deep fellowship; the justice heart of a just Bridegroom King. I will not send you away this time. I will not say, "Until the day breaks, and the shadows flee, turn..." because you have drawn me. I say, "I will rise now and go..." because the zeal of the Lord has called me out of my comfort. Great is the invitation, dangerous is the journey but VICTORIOUS is our JUST KING as he conquers injustice on the earth and releases his judgments unto righteousness.
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