How long, O LORD...

Something is happening to me. I'm not sure how to confine it in everyday life, at times. It feels as if I am being seasoned like a cast iron pot; in the fire before being put to good use. The fire before the fire, I suppose. At any rate, I feel my mind/will/emotions being changed and as I am occasionally exposed to and reintroduced back into moments of "normal" life I see that something very deep within has fundamentally changed. It's serves as a divine marking that is to set me on a course for the rest of my life, and for the generations to come as well. I understand this much and yet the pain is quite evident. I am confronted and confined by the context of the wilderness that I said yes to almost a year ago, with all that I had and with all that I am. Is this my first time in the wilderness? Not at all. Is this the first time I have gone even somewhat willingly? Perhaps. Am I leaning? More like crawling...

I woke up this morning with a phrase in my spirit, "How long, O LORD..." It rings through me again and again. It's a cry for justice as in the days of Habakkuk. How long, O LORD, before the wrong things are made right?! How long before your judgments are on the earth?!

Habakkuk 1:1-4
"How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted."

That word 'violence' is such a trigger word for me. You see, I had a dream the night before last and it was violent and it imparted a violence in my spirit by simply sharing in it. The message swirled about me all day yesterday and it was this, "When you experience the violence of injustice (the oppressed), you become violent for the kingdom of heaven!"

Matthew 11:12 "...the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force."

The Lord is establishing a violence in me towards injustice and FOR the kingdom of heaven to come as JUSTICE to this unjust world! At times it feels that I can not bear the raw emotion of it. It seems that if I give myself to the zeal of justice, it will sweep me away into a place so far removed from where I am today. The justice heart of Jesus is imparting a cry that only He can answer. Habakkuk questions the LORD, "Why do you make me look at injustice?" It's almost unbearable to see and to know the injustices that occur in the land and yet I so believe this is something the LORD is doing in His bride, that she might burn as He burns. The LORD has spoken so many times to me through the story of Hannah, and through her season of provoking in her barrenness.

1 Samuel 1:6-7 And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat.

We each have our own areas of barrenness. Mine are not greater than yours. However, it feels that in this season mine provoke me on every front as I am forced to watch, "the wicked hem in the righteous" and those who provoke, prosper. This is divine, I understand, but it's almost torture as it cultivates a zeal that I have yet to taste.

When I see businesses prosper, I crave it's profit for the poor of the earth. When I see rich and lavish foods, I desire it for the perishing. When I see excesses and surpluses, I covet it for the deficits of the oppressed. When I observe the man who does not acknowledge the Lord and yet goes about his days, I long to see his freedom and mobility granted to those who are bound to wheelchairs and hospital beds. When I see the senseless wealth of the wicked, and I claim it for the release of the captives and for the setting of the lonely into families. When I see justice perverted and the innocent sentenced to a violent death, I reel in my spirit for a just judge to RETURN!!!! Lord, will you allow this zeal to consume me? May it set me ablaze that I may burn before you in intercession. May it cause me to pour out my soul before you, as it did Hannah, as my 'womb' remains empty.

How long have I lived for myself, God? Since birth I have looked after my own interests. But now you mark me, bless me, with such an intimate partnership; such an extravagant offering of my soul. The invitation into deep fellowship; the justice heart of a just Bridegroom King. I will not send you away this time. I will not say, "Until the day breaks, and the shadows flee, turn..." because you have drawn me. I say, "I will rise now and go..." because the zeal of the Lord has called me out of my comfort. Great is the invitation, dangerous is the journey but VICTORIOUS is our JUST KING as he conquers injustice on the earth and releases his judgments unto righteousness.