Recorded the day before my dear friend Tammy suffered a traumatic seizure which led to the discovery of a cancerous brain tumor. It was my third entry in a new journal, bought for me by my husband on Valentine's day, in honor of our new daughter, Tru. The journal line is from Dayspring and it's called, 'So True.' It seemed fitting for the occasion and was a thoughtful gift. I flipped through it this evening while sitting in the prayer room, not having touched that specific journal since that day. I found it unusual to have left off where it had. I read it and cried through a smile.
I have concluded that when you can look at the earth and it's the size of a green pea on a dinner plate, then it all makes sense. Of course, only the Maker of the universe has this vantage point.
July 5th, 2011
Well ... I feel I am in the midst of many swirling things. When the pressures come from every side, you can either ascend or sink. I am hoping this will all be unto a divine thrust into the next place. It feels like a great big zit, ready to pop! Pain is for sure meant to aid us into a greater place. Tammy calls it the martyr's grace; an ability to rise above the place of earthly pain. What a concept. More than a concept but rather a reality. Is there a grace that is greater, tangibly greater than any pain in this life; emotional, physical, mental and spiritual? That's some manifest grace! I suppose that is why it is called the martyr's grace ... it is transcendent. I have been feeling relational stings as well as the pleasure of deep relationship. I'm working out my dysfunction in it all. I want to be more and more healthy as I move forward. More and more perfected in love. Just to keep the heart open and alive requires so much.
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