strong enough to break you

This morning I heard Him whisper softly but without mistake, "Clothe yourself with strength. Put on Christ."

I was scrambling for church clothes, frightening little eyes with scantily clad images of their mother running from room to room. Suddenly every verse I could vaguely recall concerning clothing myself and garments came to mind. I later took time to jot them down.

"... clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ..." Romans 13:14

"Awake, awake, Zion, clothe yourself in strength. Put on your garments of splendor..." Isaiah 52:1

"...clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12

"...He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness..." Isaiah 61:10

I yanked my blouse from the hanger in the closet, punched my arms through and slipped it over my head. Again I hear Him, "Put on strength, put on Christ."

I pray a prayer of surrender, giving my day back to the one who gave it to me. I pray a prayer of repentance, asking for more grace to lean, to trust, to embrace the humility of weakness.

Scenarios past play out in my mind. Mornings of prayerlessness, rushed and harsh. Independence blazing a bloody trail, pride of life front and center. Oh, have I put on strength. My own strength.

I'm just strong enough outside of the grace of God to break things. You know, like my children, my husband, my home, the weak... Just strong enough to tear down all that God intends for me to build up. I'm just strong and stubborn enough to get half-way through the day and see that I am not leaning, again. Not abiding, again. Again. I'm wearing rigid burlap and it rubs me raw. Where are my garments of splendor? I disrobe with revelation and repentance. Naked and exposed now. Oh Lord, save me from myself.

Putting on Christ...not on top of my garments but on top of this brash flesh and these bare bones of mine. Love covering me...real strength that comes via voluntary weakness. And now, I'm just weak enough to heal, to bless, to establish. Dependant, drawing from the power in the hem of His garment. He looks so good on me.